Truths

Recently it dawned upon me that people tell two different kinds of truths: the “political” truth and the real truth.

Political truths are things you say to avoid offending the person to whom you’re telling. You would say things that aren’t the whole truth, yet aren’t outright lies – just riding in the grey zone in between being honest and not. In other words, political truths are white lies. Statements that are “correct”, the “right” things to say but only in certain contexts.

And then we have the real truth. Our raw, undistilled and most direct thoughts, reactions and opinions that are likely to step on some peoples’ toes.

***

Once I watched a reality TV/game show. It involved participants who were hooked up to a lie detector machine and were being interrogated by an expert lie detector. The modus operandi of the game was to answer the interrogator’s questions truthfully. If the interrogator determines the participant was honest, he/she earns a point; else, he/she would be disqualified.

One of the male participants was asked to answer: Who is more beautiful? His wife? Or a fellow female participant on the game show (who happens to be a stunningly pretty model/actress)?

He answered, “Definitely my wife!”

The interrogator judged the participant dishonest, much to his chagrin and the amusement of everyone else.

The poor fella insisted, “But I was wholeheartedly telling the truth!”

The interrogator proceeded to pinpoint the tell-signs, subconscious body language and involuntary body actions which betrayed him; then he had no defense against the professional lie detector.

***

It sparked a thought in my mind. I asked myself the same question: Is my own wife PY or that actress more beautiful?

Before I answered instinctively, I decided to go about it “naturally” and “rationally”. (Sometimes doing something that’s natural doesn’t necessarily mean it’s rational lol.)

Naturally, being truly honest (lol the irony of that phrase “truly honest”), the actress is more beautiful. I choose not to elaborate further on this point – I think it suffices.

Rationally, I would say it this way. I don’t think I would be wrong if I said a convincingly large majority of people would say the actress is more beautiful. So if I were to be strictly honest in answering the question, the initial answer would be “the actress is more beautiful”. I arrive at such an answer based on my natural personal opinion, reinforced by the natural personal opinions of others. However, my wife is the most beloved person in my life. I know she, as a woman, wishes to be treasured, to feel precious, to be adored; and I am willing to fulfill those wishes. So despite the natural tendencies, I deliberately and consciously decide that my wife is actually more beautiful.

I forego the easy route. I focus on the things that make my wife beautiful, and I make her realize that these are the details that I see, and that I love her for those things, and for that she is worthy of the title most beautiful in my heart.

Of course, actually, I only say these things in the bedroom, when the door is tightly locked and the curtains are drawn, when there is just the two of us and no one else can hear. Publicly I would regularly tease her and say she’s not that pretty.

Why? Because I am putting up a show in public – being “political”, to fit in, being the stereotypical husband: when courting a girl, it’s all sweet talk but after marriage, it’s all different. But she knows the actual truth in my heart, so she takes no offense (although she does give me a real good pinch or a tiny box on the arm).

So what I’m trying to say is that I admit that I do tell political truth sometimes. I don’t think I can avoid it. There might be times that political truths are the wiser things to say, although I can’t think of any situations like this.

I have been trying to let at least my wife know my actual truths too. I know she can accept and understand it. And so far, it’s helped my conscience because ultimately, I hate duality and I hate doing it to my loved ones.

So… listen closely.